Wish Nor Want

Ahahah my gifyo just got shut down.

lifelongdreams:

That officially makes me laugh 

DAMN IT WHYYYYYYYYY

agameofthronesgirl:

For post 1001 :)

this perfection is why i am back on tumblr for good now… drooling

Cultural Perspectives: Oo-Woo-Oo

I’d like to take a few moments to talk to you about something for which I feel a deep and boundless passion: Duck Tales, the 1980s Disney Animated series.  Ostensibly, the show is about the perils of greed and excessive wealth.  Each Duck Tale of caution (do you see what I did there) presents Uncle Scrooge as a paradigm of a man lead by his own unhealthy desire for capital, supported by the three rambunctious nephews who try time and time again to set him on the path of righteousness.  “Don’t worship money” is a virtue pure and universal enough to be cherished by both our Lord and savior Jesus Christ and the left-wing Jewish media elite that secretly hopes to destroy Him, so it’s no wonder why the Walt Disney Company would want to hitch their wagon on a program like this.

But let’s not fool ourselves.  Duck Tales failed to teach us any real lessons of moral significance.  The most enduring impact it made on society was to fetishise for a generation of children the notion of someday being so rich that we could own an Olympic-sized swimming pool full of gold coins to dive into and swim around inside of.  I believe that this enduring image serves secretly as the benchmark of true success in the hearts and minds of my peers.

Here’s the wake-up call, folks:  This fantasy is at the very least unrealistic, not to mention extremely dangerous!  The term “liquid assets” doesn’t actually refer to a phase of matter, that shit is made out of metal!  A pool full of golden coins has about as much give as a solid brick of the stuff, so a headfirst dive would be a lethal mistake.  Imagine looking down on the sea of glittering amber and yellow from the top of the high board, arching your back with your arms stretched out in front of you as you cut through the air, your body reaching terminal velocity only moments before you smash face-first into a deliciously ironic end.  If you’re truly unlucky, your neck might not break clean and you’ll spend your last fleeting moments of consciousness twitching and seizing as a few dozen blood-smeared dubloons work their way down your windpipe.  Between the gags and the jolting, electric waves of pain, you might see good old Uncle Scrooge in your mind’s eye, spitting a fountain of gold from his beak amidst a leisurely backstroke.

Now, I know what you’re thinking:  Uncle Scrooge is a water bird, so he’d have a much easier time navigating around the pool.  Please, I have thought this through carefully, and you’re insulting my research.  Even if a duck were to somehow withstand the force of diving into the coins, his fragile, feathery body would be crushed and his lungs collapsed in the cubic tons of unforgiving metal.  I hope this civic service has been informative and life-affirming.

Next time on Cultural Perspectives:  Why you shouldn’t ever get onto a plane that is piloted by a bear.

Dillon really does make me smile.

ravishthemae:

Quite a bit :)

I don’t have any followers, so I’m not sure who I’m directing this to, but there’s a creative and intelligent girl on this website, and your lives would all benefit by following her.

Also, if given the chance to get to know her, TAKE IT! Seriously, she’s amazing.

Best new song I’ve heard all month, this is a collab between electronic musician Lindstrøm and singer Clarabelle. It’s like total Off the Wall era Michael Jackson, super bumping.